It has been exactly 401 days since my last post. I currently have 11 drafts sitting in my inbox and half of them are ready to publish today. But every time I sat in front of my computer for the past 401 days, it has just never felt right. A lot has changed since I’ve made my last post. I’m in college, single, and am now in California. What I believed then and what I believe now have both changed and stayed the same, but what I can say has remained consistent is the intention I live with.
I also don’t want to veer too far off of the main message for today, and I don’t want this to really about me, but YOU. So please bear with me
The quick summary of the past year for me is that I almost quit. Twice to be exact. I almost threw away what love and know most into the bin and away for good. The reason came down to the fact that I couldn’t see the light. Maybe I was looking for the light in the wrong place and it was always there or maybe the light I wanted to find was simply too far down the road for me to look for. Not only was this light tough to look for, but the external mechanisms and forces of society impaired my vision further. Going from the renowned IMG Academy to a small private DIII college in LaVerne, California. The possible perception it created out of me.
The way you look at me. The way I look at myself…
I left every stone unturned, but it just wasn’t enough. It never is. That phrase sitting in the back of my head in everything I do. We all have our inner demons that we fight, it’s just that for most of this past year, I let it drown me.
Sitting in the car with a friend in an underground parking lot structure, I asked him a question. “What goes through your head when you feel like the world is caving.” Puzzled by my question, he seemed to search for an answer, but decided to speak off the top of his head.
“Theres always going to be things you need to do, so I guess just do it?”
Zero flare, just purely words coming from the heart. I don’t think he knows how important those words have become to me, but I took those words and broke it down. Significance: No matter where you are in life, #1 in the world or rock bottom. The work doesn’t change. If your rock bottom, the only way to go is up and what is required is work. If you’re #1 in the world, everybody’s gunning for you, so what is required to stay is work. Essentially, the work stays consistent, regardless of outcome.
I don’t think he meant it the exact way that I described it, but whether I win a tournament or come dead last, until I’m #1 in the world, there’s always someone better than me and thus, I need to get to work. Even if I do become #1, everybody is gunning for me, and thus I need to get to work.
Overall: No matter what work or area in life you pursue, as a father, musician, daughter, mentor, grandson, aunty, friend, athlete, designer, brother, actor, doctor... You get the memo. We all play certain roles and have different endeavors. The moment you decide to give up in the development of any one of the roles you play. They all suffer. The way I worded it is easier to understand, since I live in the world of who shoots the lower score. Although, the pursuit development doesn't have to be better than the people around you, but the person you were yesterday...
Today’s post was the first in a very long time, and thus I’d like to keep it short and stupidly simple. It's also been quite some time and I apologize for the horrible writing and quality. It'll be better tomorrow.
Get up and get to work regardless… Lets just say I’m back.
努力は絶対に裏切らん/Hard work will never betray you